Desensitized not

If the air can only swallow foolish people whole, then I wish it would do that to me now so I can just fade away. 

How can people disappear permanently? I want to completely  vanish from the face of the earth.  This feeling would probably last all night. Count on my senseless mind to overthink again.

I made a fool out of myself. I am embarrassed. It isn't such a big deal at others' point of view... but it's just me.  I am the guilty one.  I am guilty. 

What am I going to do? I want to guard my heart so bad. :'(

Yet here I am writing about it... musing about it! I want to cry but the tears won't come.  

I'm in trouble again, am I not? 

They say that if something is too good to be true, it probably isn't really true. Why is this suddenly happening? Now, that I haven't even figured out what it is that I truly want for my future.  I don't want to make my life more complicated than it already is.  

Dear heart... stand your ground.  Please.  I know there were poems written in the past, which meant this same problem had been given a thought, or two... but don't wonder now.  Please, be that heart, which had a strong resolve about what is right and not right for itself.  

Why is this suddenly happening.  I am not prepared. I was so sure I was desensitized more than a decade ago! What was it that I wrote then?  Left that person in a Hollywood world, while I stay content in my desolate island? I was such a melodramatic! Am I being so melodramatic now? I probably am.  I think I am going crazy! 

Lord is this a joke? I think it's kind of cruel. Please don't do this to me.  It's too much for me to bear.