Little incidentals

 

Sometimes the things you try so hard to ignore, just catch up on you, when you least expect it. 

This morning, I was setting my mind, to sail through the day, being the most positive person I can be. Prayed for God that I find it in my heart to love what I do, and that from somewhere inside of me, I may be able to produce patience, to last me the whole week. All this, while I was making my way to the Linen/Uniform Department. My body in full reflex, ready to start the work week, while my mind still wandered in dreamland. 

As I was absent mindedly trying to gather my dingy scrubs (mine was situated in a small space, at the almost end, of the lower part of a clothing rack, hence the hassle every time I retrieve my uniform), out of nowhere he came. Had he been standing there, all the while I was looking ridiculous, serious with body stooped? 🤦 Did I have to look that unflattering?

"You gave me a fright." 

He was wearing a face mask, but I could see the light in his eyes. Like he was telling me, hey, I see you. 

I don't ever remember him calling me by my name, and now he calls me using my nickname.

Then I began to wonder, when he learned about my unusual moniker (for a Filipino at least).

When did he start calling me by name? I was trying to cudgel my brain, and all I could recount was the day he called out to me, and asked me about my cycling and ride adventures. I did not ask how he came to know. I answered so casually, like it was normal that he knew.  

Anyway, I let myself wonder, only for a short while. At the end of the day, I know what I would do... I will brush all of my wonderings aside. 

This brought me back to my post, almost four years ago.  How easily I set my feelings aside.  Looking back, I was still in pain... I was doing everything I can to get through it. I stood by my conviction, that there is no substitute for a lost love.  Thus, I felt I was not allowed to feel anything at all. I remember my excruciating, emotional exhaustion. 

The day I wrote the concerned musing of mine, was the day I made a decision. Even after all this time, I feel like doing what I did then... 

Not making something out of nothing, just keep pressing on, looking the other way.  

*There is such a thing as, two worlds that are never meant to meet.