Too Many Walls

My heart is like a sand castle. Not the type that can easily be wrecked by the harsh waves that sweep the shore.  Its walls, high, hard and fragile at the same time.  

With everything I had put it through, I am trying to make up to it by guarding it so hard.  I don't think it would allow me to love again.  All my decisions when it comes to matters concerning it turned out to be mistakes.  Mistakes I seem to never learn from.  So yeah, maybe I am afraid... or maybe... just maybe, I don't believe in love working out for me... ever. 

Could it be the reason why I keep letting people leave just like that?  I have become an expert watching them go.  I would hurt, but I could not bring myself to chase after them.  

For the longest time, I haven't liked anybody, because I was so good with keeping my walls up.  I was comfortable that way.  My heart was worry free.  I could not ask for more. 

Then one day somebody came... and though he didn't try too hard, he was able to break some parts of this fortress I built around myself. I felt scared.  I think I scared him away too. 

Still keeping my walls up.  It is better this way.  

I should keep guarding my heart.  I should guard my heart. I want to guard my heart so bad.