Was a poler, before a paddler

Year 2017, had been such a trying time for me.  

At work, I was two months into my probationary period (I just joined another company/hospital), and was adjusting to my new job, which seemed to take so long.  I was having a hard time dealing with a colleague too.  I was contemplating about just resigning, and going back home and staying there for good.  You see, I was dealing with a heartbreak, and I was going through, what you can call, a major depression.  I did my best to keep it together. I had lost so much weight.  I felt like I had no friends.  I was too homesick, and I was having anxiety attacks.  I was experiencing chest pains. Nobody could tell, because I was still that functional, anxious fool that I was, but everyday, I thought I would die because of the pain I was feeling inside. 

It was the year I slept my life away.  Sleeping was the only way I could not feel my heart's anguish.  Except for my laundry nights, come 7 pm, I would be fast asleep already.  It was worse on the weekends, when I would be asleep the whole day. Haha. There was this one colleague I was starting to get close with, who brought to my attention, that something was wrong with me.  "You're depressed. You sleep longer, and more frequent than a pregnant woman." She was the pregnant one that time.  

It was the same year that I was introduced to pole fitness.  My then light group head from The Feast Abu Dhabi, was insisting that I should try it.  I kept rejecting her invitation.  Initial reason, upon hearing the words "Pole dancing", what came to mind were sensual moves, flirtatious poses, and slim bodies.  I have no talent in dancing.  I think people would be able to bear with my singing, but my dancing is truly appalling.  I, unfortunately do not have an ounce of kittenish trait within me, hence the lack of men in my life! 😅 I may have lost weight, but I did not consider myself as one who can show off her body to others.  I thought poling was all about that.  

After much thought, I decided to give it a try.  I was assured, that I could see how it would go for the first night, free of charge.  If I liked it, I could formally enroll in the class. 

My life had a mind-blowing turn the night I first tried it out.  I did not expect that I would be wanting to come back for another session.  It was surprisingly satisfying.  It was not what I thought it was.  Our instructor preferred to call it pole fitness, and not dancing, because we deal more with pole tricks (poses), some of which are overly difficult to execute.  It was like doing yoga on pole.  It entailed strength from the upper body and core.  The warm ups were physically agonizing, and the tricks itself were nothing short of hurting.  After my first night, I could not move my arms.  Changing and putting on my clothes had been such impossible tasks.  I had bruises (pole kisses) on my arms, feet, legs and thighs. In spite of all these afflictions, I still came back.  

All of the pain were worth it, every time I was able to do a trick.  I would always wonder how on earth I was able to do that.  Never in my life did I imagine myself getting involved in something like it.  Something also changed in me.  I started accepting my body.  I became less shameful of my flaws.  I could wear shorts without feeling any discomfort.  I used to not want others to see my legs, because I think they look abnormal in shape, but suddenly, I did not care anymore.  Pole gave me the confidence, I never thought I needed.  

The best part of it was, one night, I was already laying in bed, I spent so much time analyzing what I did wrong, for me not to be able to achieve a certain trick, when out of the blue, I realized, I was not thinking of the person who broke my heart.  Hey, I was not pondering about, or feeling my heart's pain! That was when I realized... I was starting to get better.  It was such a sweet, sweet sentiment.  I knew then I was on my way to getting there... to healing my broken heart.  I still slept a lot, but little by little, I slept less on the weekends. 

It was the beginning of my thirst for trying out new adventures.  I found out, doing something I have never done before, made my heart feel happy.  I was on the pursuit of happiness, and I was doing everything in my power to accomplish just that.  

Pole fitness had been the catalyst to my moving forward.  And so, my "YOLO-ing" begun. 

*YOLO - you only live once

My attempt at beginner's pole allegra. Yep, the pain was tremendous.😂